Saturday, December 27, 2025
Summary
Elon Musk's "efficiency" department shrunk the workforce but inflated the budget like a forgotten balloon, proving some things just can't be tweeted away.
Full Story
🧩 Simple Version
Imagine Elon Musk, in a tiny general's hat, taking over a government department called DOGE (yes, like the meme dog!).
His big plan was to make the government tiny and cheap, like a mini-rocket. He fired a bunch of people—poof, gone!—like a magician pulling a disappearing act on the federal workforce.
But then, whoopsie! The government somehow ended up spending even more money. It was like shrinking your closet but buying more clothes!
🎭 The Giggle Spin
Okay, picture this: Elon Musk, wearing a tiny little general's hat, stomps into the government's super-secret efficiency lair, which is actually just a dusty broom closet. He shouts, "To the moon, with waste!" HONK! His new agency, DOGE (which probably stood for "Dogs Of Government Elimination," let's be real), was supposed to be a laser-focused, budget-slashing cyborg.
Instead, it was more like a confused puppy chasing its tail. Musk waved his magic budget wand, WOOSH!, and 270,000 government workers vanished like socks in a dryer. He even dismantled entire agencies, probably with a tiny toy bulldozer. "Behold, efficiency!" he proclaimed, probably from atop a Tesla CyberTruck.
But then, PLOT TWIST! The government's credit card bill didn't shrink; it ballooned! It went up 6% faster than a helium balloon at a clown convention! It was like trying to save money by cancelling your gym membership but then buying a lifetime supply of gourmet cheese. Facepalm! The government spending just went, "Whee! Higher we go!"
✅ Giggle Reality Check
So, here's the deal: Elon Musk, who once promised to cut a whopping $2 trillion from the federal budget, took the reins of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) in early 2025. His mission, should he choose to accept it (and he did!), was to trim the federal fat.
He did manage to shrink the federal workforce, initiating the largest peacetime reduction on record. Over 270,000 positions were eliminated, dropping the workforce by 9%. Entire agencies, like the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), were dissolved. Other departments, such as Education and the Federal Communications Commission, faced significant budget cuts. "The matrix was reprogrammed," Musk proudly posted on social media.
However, despite these drastic cuts, overall federal spending actually increased by nearly 6% in 2025. Spending jumped from $7.135 trillion in 2024 to $7.558 trillion in 2025. Why the financial whoopsie-daisy? Because while some departments were pruned, others like Commerce, Justice, Homeland Security, and Defense saw their outlays surge.
More crucially, massive chunks of "mandatory spending"—think Social Security and interest payments on the ever-growing national debt—remained largely untouched and continued their relentless climb, each rising by about $100 billion. The Cato Institute aptly noted,
"DOGE had no noticeable effect on the trajectory of spending... But it did help engineer the largest peacetime workforce reduction on record."
😂 Why This Is Hilarious
This whole escapade is a prime example of humans trying to solve a puzzle with a hammer instead of, you know, thinking. Elon Musk, the guy who wants to put us on Mars, couldn't even manage to keep the government budget on Earth. It's truly laugh-out-loud absurd that an agency specifically named for efficiency ended up with a budget that went in the exact opposite direction.
It’s like hiring a personal trainer who makes you gain weight but assures you your muscles are smaller. The universe clearly has a twisted sense of humor, and this article just handed it a megaphone and a rubber chicken.