Tuesday, January 6, 2026
Summary
Marco Rubio spills the beans on why the US only snagged Maduro, leaving other baddies to frolic. Spoiler: It wasn't a party!
Full Story
𧊠Simple Version
The big boss, NicolĂĄs Maduro, got scooped up like a stray cat by the U.S. in a super-fast, secret mission! POOF! He was gone.
But then everyone was like, "Hey, what about his two villainous sidekicks, Diosdado Cabello and Vladimir Padrino LĂłpez? Aren't they on the naughty list too?"
Secretary of State Marco Rubio, looking a bit frazzled, had to explain. He said the mission was like a drive-thruâgrab one, then SCRAM! No time for a whole shopping spree. Apparently, trying to catch everyone would have turned into a full-blown superhero movie, and they only had budget for a short, intense commercial.
đ The Giggle Spin
Okay, imagine this: the U.S. government planned a surprise birthday party for Maduro, except the party favor was a one-way ticket to a very un-fun New York apartment! HONK!
They swooped in like a flock of highly-trained, laser-eyed pigeons, snagged the big cheese, and then WHOOSH! vanished into the night.
But wait, the crowd screamed, "What about his nefarious buddies, Cabello and Padrino LĂłpez? Did they get away with just party hats?" Secretary Rubio then had to tap-dance on national television, explaining they didn't have enough giant, glittery capture nets for the whole rogue's gallery.
It was a "surgical strike," you see, not a "grab-all-the-bad-guys-and-turn-it-into-a-marionette-show" operation. Apparently, full-scale puppet takeovers are very expensive and messy.
Imagine a helicopter landing, a quick "Surprise!" from the elite squad, and then Maduro in handcuffs, probably still trying to finish his morning coffee. Dramatic gasp!
Rubio basically said, "Look, we wanted to avoid a three-ring circus in Venezuela, so we just took the main clown and left the mime and the strongman for another day."
â Giggle Reality Check
So, here's the actual scoop, minus the imaginary confetti. After NicolĂĄs Maduro and his wife, Cilia Flores, were arrested by a U.S. operation, people started wondering why other high-ranking chavista officials, like Diosdado Cabello and Vladimir Padrino LĂłpez, weren't also apprehended.
Both have outstanding U.S. warrants and hefty bounties on their heads. Secretary of State Marco Rubio clarified that the mission had a very specific and limited scope.
He explained on CBS's "Face the Nation" that trying to capture Cabello and Padrino LĂłpez would have required a prolonged military presence in Venezuela, turning a quick grab into a much larger, riskier engagement.
Rubio emphasized the operation against Maduro was "surgical," designed for maximum precision and minimum time on the ground. The goal was to avoid U.S. casualties and prevent a major military escalation. He pointed out that attempting simultaneous operations across various locations would be "absurd" and unpredictable.
Despite these limits, Rubio confirmed that Cabello (with a $25 million bounty) and Padrino LĂłpez (with a $15 million bounty) remain targets of U.S. justice. Their continued presence within the Venezuelan power structure simply means their detention would demand a completely different operational approach.
President Donald Trump later warned other Venezuelan leaders about potential consequences if they don't cooperate with a Washington-backed transition.
đ Why This Is Hilarious
It's utterly hilarious because it boils down to the universal truth of "oops, we ran out of resources for all the shenanigans." The idea of a highly complex, top-secret mission having practical limits, like a normal human trying to grab all the snacks at once, is just too relatable.
It's a grand geopolitical chess game, but with the occasional "I only had one free hand!" moment that reminds us even superpowers have to sometimes pick and choose their dramatic entrances.
It makes you wonder if they'll send a drone with a fishing net for the rest of them.