Thursday, January 1, 2026
Summary
Donald Trump has dramatically told Colorado officials to 'rot in hell' over Tina Peters' imprisonment, proving even presidential rants are performance art.
Full Story
🧩 Simple Version
Imagine a giant, orange-haired cartoon character, let's call him "The Grand Yeller," standing on a very tall soapbox. He's pointing a wiggly finger at two tiny figures below: one is a slightly confused Governor, perpetually trying to smile, and the other is a District Attorney wearing a RINO horn hat that keeps falling off. POOF!
The Grand Yeller is absolutely furious because a sweet-looking, 73-year-old grandma named Tina Peters, who he believes is a hero, is stuck in a maximum-security time-out corner. She's there for trying to play detective with some election stuff, which The Grand Yeller thinks is totally unfair. So, he's bellowing for the Governor and DA to "ROT IN HELL!" with all the dramatic flair of a villain in a Saturday morning cartoon.
🎭 The Giggle Spin
This whole situation is 10x dumber and 10x louder than a clown car convention inside a kettle drum. Our esteemed former president, in a fit of Twitter-sized rage on Truth Social, essentially manifested a cosmic curse on a Governor and a DA. HONK! It wasn't just a stern talking-to; it was a full-on, flaming-chariot-into-the-underworld kind of wish.
The "crime" in question involves Tina Peters, a former clerk who, according to the courts, allegedly gave a MyPillow CEO’s associate (yes, that pillow guy!) access to secure election software. Picture her as a secret agent grandma, whispering passwords into a pillow, then accidentally handing it to a guy named "Mr. Floofypants" who works for the pillow magnate. The result? A nine-year prison sentence, which The Grand Yeller found less palatable than kale chips.
Then, in a classic oopsie-daisy moment, he tried to "pardon" her. BWAAAAH-HA-HA! As if a presidential decree could magically unlock a state prison cell with a flourish and a confetti cannon. Spoiler alert: it cannot. The cosmos just collectively sighed at that one.
✅ Giggle Reality Check
Former President Donald J. Trump did indeed launch a scathing attack on Colorado Governor Jared Polis and a Republican District Attorney. He, quite emphatically, told them to "rot in hell" via a Truth Social post.
This dramatic pronouncement stemmed from the case of Tina Peters, the 73-year-old former Mesa County Clerk. She is currently serving a nine-year sentence in a Colorado maximum-security prison for seven state-level charges, including "attempting to influence a public servant" and criminal impersonation. Her conviction relates to giving an associate of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell access to Mesa County election software in 2020.
Trump previously declared that he had granted Peters a "full Pardon" in another Truth Social post. However, this "pardon" is legally inert, as presidents lack the authority to pardon individuals convicted of state-level crimes. Womp, womp!
😂 Why This Is Hilarious
The sheer theatricality of a former president telling state officials to endure eternal damnation over a local clerk’s conviction is comedy gold. It’s like a Shakespearean tragedy, but everyone is wearing oversized clown shoes and yelling at pigeons.
Furthermore, the attempt to issue a presidential pardon for a state crime adds a glorious layer of cosmic bureaucratic slapstick. It highlights the delightful human tendency to dramatically overstep bounds while confidently believing in one's own omnipotence. It’s a perfect example of why the universe keeps hitting the "replay" button on our planet’s highlight reel.